self-care vs. self-soothing
There’s been a lot of talk about self-care rituals in the well-being and health care space in the last few years, and for good reason. We have all experienced the effects of stress on a global level these past few years, and, even if you weren’t personally affected by the pandemic in a negative way, that collective anxiety takes its toll. Compound that with the everyday stresses that we face and it’s a recipe for the mental health crisis we are now facing.
Self-care as a buzzword has me worried and the whole “think positive”, “good vibes only” bandwagon has me backing away as fast as I can go. Don’t get me wrong… positivity, affirmations and giving yourself a quick talking to (you CAN do it!) have a very real and important place in my head. They can help to give you the boost you need to get off your ass and accomplish something, or to turn your attitude around.
The problem lies in the way that we are sometimes being told that a bubble bath, some skin care and a positive affirmation are all we need when we’re feeling stressed, anxious or overwhelmed.
While a bubble bath might calm our nervous system temporarily, the problems and thoughts causing our unhappiness will still be waiting once we’ve towelled off.
Temporary measures that we take, in the moment, to distract ourselves from our problems are not self-care. They are what is called self-soothing and they are an important part of helping yourself when times are tough. Self-soothing is a way to quickly calm the nervous system. It is a reactionary method of short-circuiting a panic response and it serves to get us out of a fight/flight/freeze or fawn response and make some space to deal with the actual problem. The most common form of self-soothing that we hear about are deep-breathing exercises. These regulate your nervous system in times of stress, signalling your brain that you’re ok. They work immediately, leaving you calmer and more able to then do the longterm work of addressing what triggered your reaction.
Self-care, on the other hand, is a maintenance system. It is the hard work and the practices we routinely engage in so that those panic triggers have less power over us.
I want to introduce you to a type of self care that digs a little deeper than self-soothing. Something that asks us to examine our subconscious and take a look at how the ways in which we were taught as children, our relationships and attachments and our unique personalities create the life we live today. These things inform patterns of behaviour and reaction that we often never realise are taking a toll on the happiness factors in our lives. And, once we get used to searching in this way, it leaves us feeling just as good as a nice, long soak! Even better, we begin learning about ourselves and making longterm changes to the ways in which we engage with the world. We begin to find balance and connection within ourselves and that leads to a knock-on effect to our relationships with what’s around us, including everyone else!
Art journaling is a process of creation that values PROCESS over PRODUCT. It is not about art skills or innate talent. The business of art journaling is to use the art materials at hand to let go of our preconceived beliefs and ideas about the things and people in our lives and to let the emotion and SENSE of the thing itself to come through. Sometimes, with talk therapies, we get caught up in explaining and reasoning. We tell our therapist the same stories that we’ve told ourselves for years, without realising that maybe these stories are not actually true. We’ve been telling them so often that we have rewritten our lives into patterns and narratives that we feel comfortable with. Whether that’s editing out events or people, turning villains into heroes or glossing over the more mundane to make our story interesting to others, it’s now easy to tell it by rote. The problem with this is that, as we grow and change, our perspective changes. What happened to us does not matter so much as what we have learned from it. And what we learn from a story CHANGES with where we are in our lives.
Adults don’t just lose their curiosity about the world as time goes by - we tend to lose curiosity about our place within it.
We lose interest in how we can continue to grow and learn, thereby applying new perspectives and continually enriching our lives INSIDE our minds. And so we become disconnected, bored, unhappy.
SO many people, in the middle stages of their lives, are just going through the motions.
They keep telling the same stories and stagnating in the middle ground of their day to day life, WITHOUT ever examining whether what they are doing in that day to day life is fulfilling. Is fun. Is rewarding. We have lost the joy, the playfulness and the excitement that comes from TRULY taking care of ourselves. Long walks where we can think more deeply. The flow of creation where we can clear our minds. The excitement of a game or challenge where we meet discomfort with a competitive spirit.
Our time is spent taking care of tasks, taking care of others and then filling our heads with noise. The TV. The reels. The conversations we’ve had a million times already.
I believe it’s time for us to step out of that comfort zone and to do some TRUE self-care. Because caring for yourself means caring ABOUT yourself. Not just soothing yourself. Caring for yourself means making your life better in the long term.
Art journaling is an amazing way to do that. It is a practice that, with a little guidance, can uncover truths you never told yourself, awaken the desire to know more about the world, your place in it and the way you interact with others and teach you more about your unique strengths and gifts that you maybe never realised are there.
The best part about it? It’s a lot of fun.
If you’ve been yearning to live a life less mechanically and more feelingly, you’ve hit on a surefire way to do it.
Join me as we explore the ways in which guided art journaling can benefit our well being, health and happiness.
You're guaranteed to come away with new ideas about how to allow your authentic self to shine AND have fun in the process!
My guided art journaling sessions are currently held on Thursday nights from 6pm-8pm at Spare Parts Art Space. I would love to welcome you to level up your life.
